Entertainment Archive

What do you do if you're Hollywood creative genius Joss Whedon — the man behind Firefly — and there's a writers strike on?

You take your skills to the web, naturally.

Of course, the WGA strike is over... but it may have been worth it, since as a byproduct we now have (drumroll, please...)

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is... well, it's different. And entertaining, with actual recognizeable actors in it, and far, far better production values than any high school doofus with a webcam publishing to YouTube. It stars Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible, Nathan Filion as Captain Hammer, and Felicia Day as Penny the love interest.

It's available to view — free! — in three 15-minute installments... but only through midnight Sunday. (Later, it will be available on iTunes.)

It's a bit of mostly-light-hearted fun, and highly recommended. Catch it while you can.

In FrankJ's world, Supreme Court Justice Antonin "Tony the Bull" Scalia renders a slightly more forceful opinion in D.C v Heller:

The issue of incorporation was not brought before the Court, but our next step will be to grab our guns, form a posse, and head to Chicago. The citizens are disarmed, so they will be easy pickings and their stereos will become mine. See the barrel of my gun. I shall kill Mayor Daley and place his head upon a pike in the town square as an example to others. Usually the execution of laws falls on the Executive Branch, but I have the summer off and it sounds like fun.

I think I've been watching too much cable TV news. Everything is starting to look like this to me:

Some of the things I'm looking forward to getting back to doing are my recreational activities — hobbies, if you will. I've divested myself of the trappings of all but two of the many things I used to do, but have retained my woodworking tools, as well as my model shipbuilding gear.

Just because I haven't been able to actively do either of them, however, doesn't stop me from reading up. I've read and re-read everything I could get my grubby mitts on, and have increased both the depth and breadth of my knowledge, including the specific jargon related thereto.

Here, then, are the Top Ten words/phrases that sound like they may be rude/dirty, but aren't, when used by [model] shipwrights:

10) three butt shift
9) spanker
8) catharpins
7) "worm and parcel with the lay, turn and serve the other way"
6) deadwood
5) snotter
4) butt chock
3) vang
2) dolphin striker
1) futtock

Thanks, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Here's a bloke Down Under who put the workshop to good use... by building a Sherman tank.

Granted, it's only 40% scale. But... wow. Nice work. As a lifelong model builder, I bow in the general direction of Australia.

The rest of the videos : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 4 : Part 5

If I had a lake, I wouldn't mind someday doing a large-scale sailing frigate... but where would I get all the little people to work the sails?

How to waste time: flying hamsters. My best score: 717 feet.

Damn you, Robbo.

*

Yes, the image updates from time to time.

Beth slays me....

Best. Blonde joke. Ever.

How to have fun and surprise the maintenance/janitorial staff at your office: address them — properly — in their native language.

The janitorial staff at my office (and many offices all over the country, I would guess) consists of recent immigrants. Unlike California (for instance) where the immigrants are more likely than not to be of Latin American origin, the people here (and at many other offices in Research Triangle Park, NC) are Asian, usually Korean. The pre-printed bi-lingual "this is trash" and "this is not trash" stickers that are used to identify materials which can or cannot be disposed of are a bit of a giveaway to an old linguist like me.

In the past, I'd rarely ever run into any of the staff – they tend to come after hours when most of the engineers are long gone. But now, I work in a 24x7 facility, on the 2nd shift (nominally 3pm to midnight, but I'm usually here cleaning up network messes until 1am or 2am. Or later... as in, racing to get home before sunrise.) The cleaners come through at about 8.

So last night, while passing their crew-leader fellow in the hallway, I whipped out a little Korean on him. The polite version, not the informal almost-slangy GI version.

Me: "안녕하십니까?" (Roughly, "Hello.")

Him: Stunned disbelief.

Me (to myself): "Heheh."

I think maybe I'll try chatting up the 20-something girl on the crew.

[Maybe I could show her the moderately amazing Google Translator, so she could read fine sites like Outside the Beltway... in Korean.]

While reporting on the "serious" problem of "Mommy Madness" — the inability of some modern urban women to cope with the pressures associated with trying to be über-careerist while simultaneously dealing with the motherhood stresses borne by, well, all of their progenitors — Iowahawk brushes against one of my pet peeves: bad and/or hyper-trendy baby names.

Along with her children - Cheyenne, 11, Dakota, 7, F-150 Crewcab, 6, and Brandon, 4 -- Pearsall regularly visits Winn-Dixies and dirt tracks throughout North Florida to raise awareness.

**—SNORT—**

Dang. Another keyboard dead before its time.

The whole thing is a hoot, and highly recommended.

(Via Ian S.)

I have a new hero.

A 2nd Lieutenant met an untimely end and found himself standing before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Said St. Peter, "Welcome, Lieutenant. You have served faithfully, and may enter Heaven."

"Well," said the shavetail, "I'd sure like to come in, but if there are any Sergeants Major in Heaven, I don't want to go in. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's being treated like a child by a cigar-chewing, know-it-all, been-everywhere, seen-everything Sergeant Major."

"No," said Peter, "there's not a single Sergeant Major who ever made it here to Heaven. Not a one. Now, report up to the Heaven HQ for your assignment. It's that gold building at the top of that hill."

"I figured as much," thought the LT to himself as he marched through the Pearly Gates.

Moving towards the golden building, the Lieutenant realized how orderly the setting around him was, and knew he would be very happy in Heaven. Every street had been policed, all the grass freshly mown, and every rock painted. Getting closer to HQ, though, he began to hear what sounded like yelling coming from one of the open windows. He crept up to investigate.

Looking in the window, he saw what he feared most — a Sergeant Major, leaning back in a swivel chair, feet up on his desk, shouting into a telephone and waving a cigar around. Around the desk, half a dozen junior officers were doing pushups non-stop.

Horrified, the Lieutenant hastened back towards the Gates. "I want out of here ASAP!" he told St. Peter.

"Lieutenant!" cried Pete, "what's wrong? I thought you were going to be happy here!"

"Happy?" wailed the young shavetail. "How can I be happy here? I spent my too-short career being condescended to by every Sergeant Major I ever saw! I hate them! And when I asked if there were any here, you said no!" He described what he had seen.

"Oh!" said the saint, "No, no, no. That wasn't a Sergeant Major at all.... You see, that was God — He just thinks he's a Sergeant Major!"

[Old joke, brought to mind by this post at Castle Argghhh!]

"The answer is — sis-boom-baaah."

The envelope is opened to reveal the answer....

Someone stop this man before he puns again.

Once in a while, you stumble across a previously unseen gem.

Howard Zinn's and Noam Chomsky's post-modernism takes one on the chin, in a long but thoroughly enjoyable parody from 2003, "The Real Atrocity in Tolkien's Middle Earth."

Zinn: Here, very significantly, we have the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm. You will notice that what is destroyed is a bridge — another potential connector.

Chomsky: On a symbolic level, that is a very good point.

Zinn: All the borders in this film are constantly being destroyed, or overrun, or eliminated, or sealed. It's all about fear - fearing the other. Notice, too, that the Elf Legolas jumps across the ruined bridge first.

Chomsky: They'll cross this bridge and the bridge will collapse, and they'll never be able to communicate with the Balrog again, or with the Orcs inside. In fact, they're sealing off the Orcs from ever escaping. They're leaving the Orcs in the cave with this big Balrog. Now, again, surely, among these Moria Orcs were some Orc radicals — aggressive, angry, militant radicals. We shouldn't understate that.

Zinn: Well, look how the Orcs grow up. What do you expect?

Chomsky: I mean, what other options have they?

Zinn: I dare say that, were I an Orc, I might possibly be one of those terrorist Orcs, shooting arrows at the Fellowship myself.

Chomsky: Here comes the Balrog. Notice Gandalf's unilateral action. "Quick, get away, I have to fight this thing alone!"

Zinn: Once again you see a creature that's on fire being demonized in this movie: the flaming eye, the flaming Balrog. As though being on fire is this terrible affliction to have.

Chomsky: As though they can help it if they're on fire.

I wasn't expecting a good chuckle today, but I sure got one.

[The piece was written by Jeff Alexander and Tom Bissell of McSweeny's Internet Tendency, and can also be found on their site.]

What does a French rooster say?

"Coque-a-poodle-du."

Update: No, it's not supposed to make sense. So don't think about it. Just let it roll over and flow through you.

If Tivo'ing Special Report with Brit Hume just to watch and re-watch Brit verbally pimp-slap the increasingly shrill Juan Williams is wrong, I don't want to be right.

All right, knock it off.

Yeah, you! Shut up and listen up.

You people make me sick. Go on, look at yourselves. You call yourselves Americans? You're a bunch of goof-ups!

I said, listen up!

OK, now look... we have a dangerous mission ahead of us. Yes, us again. I know there are other outfits that might be able to handle this operation, but they wanted the best, and that's us. We've had our share of danger, you bet. But when the hard job has to be done, there's no one better qualified to handle it.

We've lost a lot of good people in this war — a lot of 'em were just minding their own business when the world fell on them — and we'll lose more before this war is over. No one said it would be an easy fight. But it's up to us. Yep, the Brits and Aussies are with us in this fight, and the Poles are on our side, and plenty of others too. Glad to have 'em. They've come to help us, just like we'd go to help them if they needed....

What's that, Caje? The French? They're mostly collaborators. Can't trust 'em in this war. Now shut up until I'm done talking.

So anyway, we have this fight we're hip-deep in, and some people think it's time to trade our commander-in-chief for a new one. I've heard some crazy knuckle-headed ideas before, but that one really takes the cake.

We've got a fine C-in-C now, doing a pretty good job, and it sure isn't General Eisenhower running against him. Nope, it's a swabbie, a Lieutenant of all people. Oh... sorry, Lieutenant Hanley.... As I was about to say, I know some sailors, and I know some Lieutenants — most of 'em are OK by me. But this one abandoned ship as soon as he could. A four-month tour in a combat zone. How long have we been here? Heck, some of us have been in harm's way for over three years now.

That Lieutenant didn't just leave his buddies behind, though. As soon as he got home, he started bad-mouthing them and everything they were doing. He lied about them. That doesn't sit too well with me.

Now he wants the top job, the Oval Office, and so far the one thing we know is he'll say anything to get it. Heck, he'll even make nice with those French collaborators. I don't like the sound of that. I'll bet you don't either.

So now it's time to go vote for our C-in-C for the next four years. You can choose — but there's only one choice if you want us to win this war. When you hit that voting booth, I want you to pull the lever for George W. Bush.

Any questions? OK, we've got a job to do.

Saddle up.

[This message brought to you by the Heroes for Bush project.]

[Also see Ambassador Kosh's endorsement.]

[Update: And don't miss the Heroes for Bush roundup.]

^{[Click image for full size.]}

John Kerry claims to have foreign leaders on his side. Ha! Who needs France and the U.N. when you can have a Vorlon?

[This message brought to you by the Heroes for Bush project.]

[Also see Sergeant Saunders' endorsement.]

[Update: And don't miss the Heroes for Bush roundup.]

Philosophy done right.

As a not-to-be-taken-seriously movie, I've always enjoyed The Last Starfighter. It's a fun little movie, notable mainly for it's breakthrough use of computer generated graphics, as well as being the last film performance of the great Robert Preston.

An eminently middle-of-the-road film... but they couldn't leave well enough alone.

'The Last Starfighter', the Musical, Beams Down Into World Premiere in NYC

OK, I'll fess up: I'd go see it. I am, as friends are inclined to point out, such a geek.

Aaarrr, matey.

Amidst all the highly-charged turmoil of this political season, it's important that we take time out for the truly important things.

Things like Talk Like A Pirate Day on the 19th — this Sunday.

Arrrr!

This being the political season, we can expect to see the Suspiciously Timed Release (STR) of Documents of Dubious Origin (DDO) more and more as we proceed towards election day.

The memoranda used by CBS certainly qualify as DDO.

Clearly, "finding" old documents (memoranda, files, photos and so on) is an activity in which we as Americans all have the right — nay, the duty — to participate.

John Hawkins has found another document from CBS.

Here's the one I found stuck to the back of my DD-214:

(Click for full size.)

I encourage you all to go out and find documents of particular interest, post them to the web, and let me know about them.

If you have a request for a particular incriminating document to be found, I'm sure someone can oblige.

Update: Jay has one, too. As does the Commissar.

Update 2: And let's not forget ScrappleFace.

Some people are like Slinkies...

... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Have I mentioned that my all-time favorite musical group is the Moody Blues? No? Well, I don't want to come off sounding like an infatuated teeny-bopper or anything....

I'm not saying that I would walk over my own grandmother (if I had one left) to go see one of their concerts, but I would. Maybe.

The band did a guest spot on The Simpsons (who hasn't?) and parodied one of their songs (but who hasn't?)

[Homer and Ned attempt to flee the hotel casino where they have apparently married a couple women of easy virtue.]

W.O.E.V.: Somebody help! Our husbands are trying to ditch us!

[The word goes out over the P.A. system... Homer and Ned try to make their escape, but run into security guards, Seigfried & Roy lookalikes w/ a tiger (to which Homer exclaims "A lion!"), Drederick Tatum, and finally...]

Homer: [shriek] The Moody Blues!
Graeme Edge: Cold hearted Homer, ditching his wife, while ancient Ned runs for his life.
Justin Hayward: Chips of red and blue and white, but we decide which....
John Lodge: Can the poems, it's ass-whuppin' time.
Ray Thomas [pulling a dagger out of his flute]: I want fatty.

That never fails to crack me up.

Ray Thomas has pretty much retired from the band due to health issues - including gout, an ailment with which I am intimately familiar. He wasn't looking too mobile the last time I saw the band in concert - I thought he might have had a hip or knee replacement. He'll be much missed.

Have I mentioned that I'm a history geek?

I laughed out loud when I saw this:

[For the non-historically-minded, it's supposed to be Graf Spee. Not a huge blunder, as such things go, but somewhat entertaining.]

Marching instructions:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

"She swung broad on the slackening ebb, and Captain Aubrey moved over to the starboard rail, his telescope still trained on Portsmouth."

[Inspired by WindRider at Silent Running, who has traced the origin of this thing.]

I was mulling over the idea of going to see a movie tomorrow night; I haven't been to a theater since Lord of the Rings - Return of the King. But a better entertainment idea has occurred to me.

I'm going to park across from the Post Office tomorrow and laugh at all the last-minute tax filers. It should be as amusing as (and cheaper than) any movie.

[I got my Fed and State refunds a month ago, thankyouverymuch.]

From my sister, a quick composition:

Chocolate bunny on my shelf,
here are questions I ask myself:
As you stand so brown and still,
do you feel a lethal chill?

Do you know your tragic fate?
Do you know that you'll be ate?
Or have I helped quiet your fears
by eating off both of your ears?

With regard to computers:

Interfaces are ok for newcomers, but people who actually know what they're doing use a magnetised needle and a steady hand.

Hillary! has had a narrow escape.

I have got to get me one of these.

My garage is full of power tools, but they're all woodworking tools.

I have to get my hands on some metal-machining tools now, of course. Because now I can make one of these:

It seems that, in a rare moment of lucidity, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that the "commerce clause" of the Constitution means what it says -- that activities not considered to be interstate commerce cannot be outlawed by Congress.

Like, for instance, owning a homemade machine gun. (Article here, PDF of the court's decision here.)

[Yes, yes, I know -- decisions of the Ninth Circuit don't apply to North Carolina. Just this once, though, I wish they did. And man, oh man, I loved my M-60 -- the best firearm Uncle Sam ever issued to me.]

Via Instapundit.

I'm glad to see the dot-com stock market is returning to normal.

Allegedly from Alan Meiss:

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited To A Dinner Party At His Secret Afghan Lair

[Assuming, of course, that he isn't already a smear of decomposing jelly on a cave floor somewhere....]

1. Point out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious.

2. Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?"

3. Ask him if he's looking forward to replacing Hitler as Satan's favorite chew toy in the lowest inferno of Hell.

4. Tell him all about your great vacation to Saudi Arabia, where you went absolutely everywhere and did everything, just stomped all over the place.

5. Use his satellite phone to call the time and weather line in Buenos Aires and leave it off the hook.

How to put closure to last week? Something to tie together a hurricane and pirates...?

Heh. I found it.

While preparing for what I assumed to be the inevitable long-term power outage, I made plenty of ice (empty 2-liter Diet Coke bottles are darn handy) and transferred the contents of the indoor freezer to the chest-type freezer in the garage (yes, that freezer. Trust me - it's better now.)

I really wanted to save as much as I could, even though what was in the freezer was of no particularly great value - frozen veggies, various sausages, chicken breasts....

And....

Buried deep in the back of the freezer... a pack of filet mignon. Four of them, which I'd cut myself from a whole beef loin bought on the cheap, back around March.

Beautiful, tender, savory filets. 2-inch thick filets, perfectly preserved. Can you guess what I'll be having for dinner tonight?

Thanks, Isabel.

Buried treasure.

Ferget ye not that today be Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Yo, ho, yo, ho....

A new victim on which to place the blame next time you... well, you know.

Heh. Now maybe the dog will forgive you for all the times you blamed him.

Is world conquest your gig?

- When you go home from the office, do you wish it were a Subterranean Island Base with optional Volcano Upgrade instead of a crappy apartment?

- Would you prefer to drive yourself home in your "Li'l Crusher" Economy Mobile Offensive Unit, or is being chaufferred in your SPV Advanced Armored Vehicle more your style?

- Do you dream of outfitting your henchmen with Exploding Obedience Collars?

- Is your concealed-carry weapon of choice a Gizesukarisito Mark 1 Multidimensional Handcannon?

- Does nothing get you quite as squishy as the prospect of owning your very own Morbitek Zombification Ray (Mk 1)?

- And when you're down and out, do you dwell on ending it all with a Planet Kabanger?

If so, then Villain Supply may just be your one-stop shopping center!